Actual Classified Ads from Newspapers

• 1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer
• Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
• Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days.
• Free puppies...part German shepherd part dog
• 2 wire mesh butchering gloves, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
• Tickle Me Elmo, still in box, comes with it's own 1988 Mustang, 5L, auto, excellent condition $6800
• Cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale.
• 83 Toyota hunchback -- $2000
• Star Wars Job of the Hut -- $15
• Free puppies: Cocker Spaniel - sneaky neighbor's dog
• Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Unpleasant little dog.
• German Shephard. 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
• Full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
• Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 BR 2 BTH home.
• For sale: Lee MAjors (6 Million Dollar Man) - $50
• Nordic Track $300 - hardly used - call Chubbie
• Bill's Septic Cleaning - "We Haul American Made Products"
• Shakespeare's Pizza - free chopsticks
• Found: Dirty white dog...looks like a rat... been out while... better be reward.
• Hummels - largest selection ever - "If it's in stock, we have it!"
• Get a Little John: The traveling urinal - holds 2 bottles of beer.
• Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
• Georgia peaches - California grown - 89 cents/lb.
• Nice parachute - never opened - used once - slightly stained
• Free: Farm kittens. Ready to eat.
• American flag - 60 stars - pole included - $100
• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
• Notice: To person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near southridge storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vincinity are dead.
• Exercise equipment: Queen size mattress & box spring - $175.
• Our sofa seats the whole mob - and it's made of 100% Italian leather.
• Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer - $300.
• Lawyer says client is not that guilty.
• Alzheimer's center prepares for an affair to remember
• Ground beast: 99 cents/lb.
• Gas cloud clears out Taco Bell.
• Bar S Sliced Balogna - Regular or Tasty - save 30 cents on 2
• Open house - Body Shapers Toning Salon - free coffee & donuts
• Kellogg'S Pot Tarts - $1.99/box
• Fully cooked boneless smoked man - $2.09/lb